coping

big girl underwear and Crocs

Well, I am learning that a 3rd child is determined to grow up as fast as she can.  Hannah is only one, and absolutely does not accept this fact.  When I look at her struggling desperately to keep up with her older sister and brother, the phrase, “no man left behind” always seems to buzz in my ears. 

I have given in to potty training a 22-month-old child only because her will is bigger than mine right now.   She was driving her older sister crazy by pulling her diaper off, going in Micah’s closet, and putting on her underwear.   So I was hopeful.  I went to Target and loaded up on “big girl underwear” and pull ups.  Well, she was on to the pull-ups.  No Way, Jose!  They are not “big girl underwear”.   Training underwear?  Not falling for that one either.  The only thing that will do is:  Dora The Explorer and Little Pony. 

What I have learned about these cute little brands of “big girl underwear” is how LITTLE pee and poop they hold!  Hell, they come off DRY after accidents.  Lots of motivation to wear the underwear, and not so much to actually go in the potty.  So far, I think we have peed in every store I go on a regular basis, both cars, all over the yard, and in every room of our house (especially the ones with carpet).  So I, in response, have resorted to every form of bribery known to man; including but not limited to;… chocolate, stickers, and a potty that plays music when you go.      Oh yeah, and switching them out for pull-ups once that sweet angel has fallen asleep at night!

The second thing I gave into was Crocs.  This is not my idea of a supportive toddler shoe, but at least now, she has them in her own size, and her sister got hers back.  Walking to the park takes 3 times as long because she can’t keep them on.  Running is not an option…..  Falling down? ……. twice as much.  But who am I to judge happiness, right? 

Now Hannah is a genius talker, but the “r” sound is not in her repertoire as of yet.  Especially with the pacifier in her mouth.  So Crocs comes out…… cocks. 

You can imagine her father’s face (and heart rate) the first time his sweet innocent baby girl said, “Daddy I like cocks”.        (and truly she talks to him about her “cocks”  much more than to me). 

“Daddy I need my cocks” ; “Daddy I can’t find my cocks”;  “Daddy where did my cocks go?”  “DADDY I WANT MY COCKS!!!!”

I can’t decide if all of this is designed to keep me young?  or age me at the speed of light?   

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names

Miriam

Dear Noah, Micah, Hannah and baby soon to be:

As we are looking forward to meeting our new baby, names are on our minds.  I believe the name you pick for a child is a huge responsibility.  It can actually have an influence on that person.  As well, I believe that you invite the protection of that Biblical spirit to be with you as you journey through this life.  Being Jewish we choose a Hebrew name for our children.  We chose to have the name you are called and your Hebrew  name, be one and the same.  We also chose each of your names for very specific reasons.  Those reasons are related to the characteristics of the Biblical person and what we hope for you.   In future posts I will make sure to go into detail about each of you and  your name.  (just in case the original falls out of your baby book that doesn’t exist)

But, I thought I would begin by sharing with you something I came across recently.   I had the privilege and burden of choosing my own Hebrew name when I converted to Judaism.  I had to give it alot of thought and weed through so many options!  Yet, by doing this, was able to pick someone with characteristics that I cared about and that I  hoped to emulate.  Now, as we are taking our family through an orthodox Jewish conversion, I was asked why I chose the name Miriam.  I went back and found what I had written at that time.   Here is why:

MIRIAM

I chose the name Miriam as a constant reminder of the lessons she teaches us, and the kind of Jewishness I want to strive for.  When I think about the evil and oppression facing the Jews in ancient Egypt, it is hard for me to grasp the intense faith that led 6 year old Miriam to convince her father to remarry her mother and risk having another child.  It is never easy to be so sure of who you are and what you believe in, even when we have every comfort.  It would seem impossible when faced with slavery and persecution.  Yet, her faith never waivered, and because of this, I believe, she carved out a space for G-d to work miracles.

We learn in Genesis, through the story of Cain and Abel, what tragedy can come of not being our brother’s keeper.  Miriam shows us the miracles that are possible when we are our brother’s keeper.  We may sometimes feel insignificant and unnamed as Miriam is in much of the story of Exodus.  The lesson I believe, is to hold on to your faith.  Faith in yourself, in the gifts the Jews have given the world, of the rightousness of this path, and the possibility of miracles.  This is a trying time for Jews everywhere.  Many have lost their faith in the face of true evil and terrorism.  It can leave you feeling overwhelmed and insignificant when you look at the problems that need to be solved.  Miriam reminds me that it only took the faith of a 6 year old little girl, to make a new world possible.

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coping

Pancakes are better than therapy

First day back to school/work after a holiday weekend…  Never a smooth transition.   All five of us have to leave the house (together in one car) by 7:00 to begin the round of drop-offs.  Noah gets dropped off first at his bus, then Richard at his train, then Micah at her school, leaving Hannah and I to go home and finish waking up. 

Well, by 6:30 am Micah and Hannah are still out cold.   In 30 minutes I have to get Hannah up, sweet talked out of her diaper to use the potty, then into her big girl underpants and clothes, fed breakfast, and somehow stuffed into her car seat.  I have to get Micah through 14 changes of outfits, breakfast, teeth brushed, hair brushed (our biggest fight of every day) and lunch made.  Needless to say, getting some clothes on myself is always a good idea.  Noah (thank heavens) is able to fend for himself at this point.  In fact, he is ready and waiting at the door each morning at 7:01 repeating his mantra; “If I miss my bus, I am not going to school”.  Richard can dress himself but is somehow always the last one to get in the car.

6:45 and the girls are sitting up in bed, but no progress on the goals at hand.  I am starting to panic.  Maybe Richard can drive himself to the train, dropping off Noah in the process and buy me a little time.   I check with him;……nada.  Okay, just stay calm. 

6:50….I hear Micah and Hannah screaming at each other.  I run to check it out, and they are fighting over a book that Micah has no time for, and Hannah isn’t capable of reading.  I think this is the point at which I lose my patience.  I put Hannah in time-out for hitting her sister.  This leads to more screaming and Micah coming to her rescue, to break her out of bondage.  This leads to me losing my cool and telling Micah in a very firm and nasty voice to get her little butt dressed!  This leads to Hannah screaming louder and Micah huddled on the floor in fetal position crying that “I don’t love her and she is not going to school”.   And guess what……..It is now 7:05!     

7:10 …Noah is by the door getting slightly agitated, Richard is still showering, Micah and Hannah are huddled together crying hysterically because “mommy is so mean” (am I missing something here?) and I am still in my pajamas!   I am faced with a choice.   I can become the evil witch out of the depths of hell and actually get everyone to their destination on time, albeit a little emotionally challenged for that day,  or………I can just take a breath and regroup.   I had to pray really hard for a few minutes to make the right choice.  And let me say; it was a toss up for those few minutes which way I was going to go.   But I remembered, that I had actually promised my children, in writing, a few years ago that the evil witch was gone forever.  And I am deeply thankful that I made the right choice and stuffed the evil witch back into her hole.

7:25.  We are all dressed and in the car.  No one is crying or ripping their hair out.  No one is screaming or threatening to run away.  Noah is whining a little about missing his bus, but I am assuring him that I will run over any one (including little old ladies) that gets in my way, to make that bus.  I promised Micah that if she and Hannah could make themselves presentable and be in the car in 5 minutes, we would get rid of everyone else and just go to the pancake house.  It is first grade for G-d’s sake!  Was it really worth years of psychotherapy for my offspring, to get Micah there at 8:00 sharp?  Noah made his bus, Richard made his train, and Micah, Hannah, and I regrouped over pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream.   Sometimes, life happens and you just have to take a breath and say “the heck with it”, let’s go to the pancake house.

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Uncategorized

Hello World!

Wow…. My first post ever on my first blog ever.  What to say?  Maybe I should start with “why”.  Why am I:  almost 40, stay at home mom of 3 (soon to be 4) trying to write a blog?  Well:

Noah, Micah, Hannah, and baby soon to be.  That is reason number one.  I so want to keep track of this beautiful, crazy roller coaster ride that we are on together.   I have been so busy hanging on!  that it has been hard to stop and record it all.  So selfishly, I want to try to keep track of all the wonderful life being lived.  I want to remember it when I am old and senile!  Yet, I have failed miserably at:  scrapbooking, journaling, baby booking, video recording, picture taking………the list is endless.   I hope that I can put everything in one place (thoughts, pictures, videos) and have a record of it for later. 

Also, my sweet children, there are so many things I want to tell you, and yet, you are either too young or too busy to take in my wisdom.  There have been times in the middle of the night, that I have been moved to get up and write you a letter so that one day you will have a window into your mother’s thoughts at a certain time or event.  (You can find them in the baby books that I didn’t create for you).   So this is a place for some of that too. 

Secondly,  I am hoping that all the wonderful people in our lives (that I am doing a miserable job of keeping up with) can keep up with us.

Lastly, (is that a word?) as you may have gleaned from my title.  I would like to use this blog to remind myself that I am “not the maid”.   I am really a thoughtful woman with a brain and a master’s degree trying to do the most important and challenging job of my life, with stakes that are beyond my comprehension.  And although I do pick up everyones dirty clothes, wash dishes, clean up pee and poop at least 8 times a day, keep up with the bills, drive everyone around, etc, etc.   I do have something to say.  I can actually put together a sentence.  (althought the quality of that sentence has deteriorated with each pregnancy).  I am  hoping that this will be a place that I can try to pull myself together and remind myself; I am an intelligent being.  So that when I catch a glimpse in a store window, or mirror of this frazzled unshowered, unshaved, woman in sweatpants, with leaky breasts, remnants of my children’s last meal on my shirt,  and a cellulite butt.  I can hold my head high and think “that’s okay, I AM A BLOGGER!!!

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