Here is one of my favorite pictures of our great family.   Zeke is still in the belly in this shot.  Martha Abelson is the talented photographer.  visit her website at mabelsonphoto.com 

Hannah and Micah like to make each others birthday cakes.  So today Hannah and I made Micah’s birthday cake.  Micah turns 8 yrs. old tomorrow.  Hannah decorated this herself!   Good job baby!   Tomorrow we will have this cake for breakfast.  Then Micah gets to skip school and have her mom and 100$ to spend for the day.  Can’t wait. 

Micah is very creative with her clothes.  She has her own sense of style and is confident enough to wear it with flair!

Well, there are a lot of “walks” these days.  The “Walk for Breast Cancer” .  The “Walk for Juvenile Diabetes”.  The “Walk for Leukemia”.  And although I totally support these “walks”, the “walk” I care for the most is the “Walk for Sanity“.

Walk for Sanity = Walking 2 to 4 times a week, for at least an hour, with your girlfriend…..rain or shine, to help you keep a grip on your sanity.

Now this is the basic definition, but there is much more to it than that:

It all depends on finding just the right girlfriend to be your partner in the “walk for sanity”  She has to be able to keep your pace and your secrets.  She has to be completely non-judgemental and totally validating at the same time.    Someone that can handle whatever string of curse words you feel the need to let out, or….whatever prayer you have to offer up.  Someone who understands that she is the real reason your  husband is still alive and well.  Someone who can commiserate about the injustice of gravity, yet assure you that you look amazing in your Target sweatpants, even without a shower.  Someone who totally understands when children and husband’s needs get in the way of walking, and yet, still finds a way to get out the door.  

As you can tell from my description, this honor can not go to just anybody.  It is a tall order and it takes time to find  the right partner to make it work.  I have looked for this someone ever since we moved to Chicago 6 years ago.  I tried many walks with many girlfriends and none were “the one”.  Either they were too fast, or too slow, or didn’t listen, or didn’t talk!   It has been such a hole in my life.  I settled for long walks with just my own thoughts for company, and I felt secretly jealous of those people I knew who had long-time “walk for sanity” partners. 

I have now found “the one” .  I can’t tell you how “sane” I finally feel!  This is toning your tushy and top quality therapy (for free) in an hour.   Jodi,……….thank-you, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.   And as much as I thank-you, my family thanks you more.

Zeke, this was taken just after you got your first set of shots.  You were so cute during our visit.  You talked to Laurie (our pediatrician and close friend) so much that she couldn’t hear your heart beat!  Of course, we decided that this means you are advanced in your development:).  You are acting like a 4 month-old instead of the 2 that you are. 

You barely cried when that mean old nurse gave you your shots.  Although, I will not forget the look of total betrayal you gave me when it happened.  Now you would think that since you are my fourth baby, I would have learned not to be the person you are looking at when you feel pain!  But no!  I am the idiot that stood right there when that shot went in.  I don’t think you believed me when I kept professing that I was not the one that did that to you either.  Thank G-d you don’t have any memory yet:) 

At 2 months you are 13lbs 13oz and 24 and 1/4 inches long.  95% in weight and 90% on height.  As you can see from your picture, you are such a happy baby.  You are doing great!

Thank goodness my girls don’t know enough to keep from telling on themselves!  Either that or they think I am a real dummy.  Last night I was bathing Zeke, Micah, and Hannah.  This is a little tricky and requires concentration to make sure no one drowns, much less gets clean enough for the bath to count.  But in the hub bub of bubbles and shampoo a couple of things came to my attention.

Micah had her eyes checked this summer by our eye doctor, and her eye sight is 20/20.  Now she has always wanted glasses but unfortunately for her she has perfect vision.  And no, I am just not to the point of buying her fake glasses for hundreds of dollars.  So she began telling me, last night, how she failed the vision screening at school.  Hmm? 

Micah:  “Mom I did NOT lie”

Me:  “of course you didn’t lie”

Micah:  “Mom do you believe me?  I did NOT lie”

Me:  “of course you didn’t lie.  You would never do something like that”

This continued until I lost count at about 23.  Hmmm?  I wonder what the vision screening will say?

Then Hannah who gives me grey hair because she will put anything in her mouth if it smells good, and had not actually gotten in the water yet said, “mommy you do not have to take me to the hospital”

RED ALERT!!!  I frantically look around for some poison I overlooked and find the empty mouthwash bottle in the trash.  Now I am hoping it was empty because someone put it in the trash.  But it was definitely empty when I got to it. 

Me:  “Hannah did you drink this mouthwash?”

Hannah:  “sure, but you don’t have to take me to the hospital” (you can guess the conversations we have had about poison and putting things in your mouth…………………..  really left an impact)

Me:  “was it alot of mouthwash?”

Hannah:  “sure, but you don’t have to take me to the hospital”

Where is my husband in the middle of this chaos you ask?  Leisurely watching a movie with my 12 yr old.  What do I do?  Well, I watch my two year old for any weirdness that might lead me to pump her stomach, and I finish the bath and put them to bed.  What else?

Okay. now this post is not going to make me popular with anyone.  Especially my kids.  I am mainly writing this for myself.  I want to document just how miserable Halloween makes my kids, so next year, when I even begin to consider “trick or treating” I can come back and read this!

I feel that living your life with moderation as a value is good.  Most things are okay in moderation.  Even candy (coming from the worlds biggest health nut,- it pains me to say this,- but it is true,- even for candy). 

The idea of Halloween is great.  The reality is another monster all together.  Even I get caught up in the idea of Halloween (every gosh darn year).  Dressing up as your favorite character.  Family time strolling leisurely through the neighborhood.  Your children are having fun.   You are catching up with your neighbors.  Everybody is getting along.  You get to collect lots of candy, and then go home and sort it.  Your children share their candy with each other.  They pick out the best pieces, and get rid of the rest.  They eat a few pieces of candy, and then that is the end of it. 

Ok, now lets just get down to reality here.  (and I am strictly talking about my kids here.  I am sure that whoever else reads this can feel great that their kids are perfect and they cannot relate to this at all)

First, we spend a stressfully looooooong time trying on a million different outfits until we become unsatisfied with everything, and decide to go as ourselves.  Shall we call this “meltdown number one”.

Second,  that leisurely stroll through the neighborhood, becomes an all out run, to beat all the other kids (supposedly their friends) to each house to get as much candy as possible.   “Oh, that doesn’t sound so bad” you say.  Ok, let me translate.  The oldest child can run the fastest!  So he (or she) is out of sight and around the corner within seconds.  The subsequent siblings cannot keep up, which means they are not FIRST to get candy.  Let’s call this “meltdown number 2”   But, by golly, they are going to give it their all, regardless of the fact that they are actually in a STREET with CARS coming home from work at this hour.  So you, the parent, are trying to watch for your kids within a crowd of Hannah Montana’s, princesses, and superheroes who are running hell mell all over the place, right in front of CARS like a bunch of midgets with their pants on fire.  And yes, I am doing all this with a newborn swinging from my boob because he is freaked out by all the candy chaos.  This then leads to “meltdown number 3”  (Although we as parents are so good at controlling our emotions that this meltdown is invisible to the naked eye)……………..  Right! 

So by some miracle, myself and all my children actually arrive home safe and unskwooshed by all the dads driving home from work.  Now the fun begins…..

My children sit down and dump their candy on the floor.  They then proceed to stuff as much as possible in their mouths as fast as they can.  Now they have not had dinner yet.  So by the time I can put a stop to this craziness, they are on about piece number 25.  This leads us to “meltdown number 4”  I like to think of this meltdown as the “grand finale” like at the fireworks show.  See we don’t take turns with this meltdown.  Everyone ends up screaming and crying at once.  I am mad at myself for being stupid enough to set my kids up for this (again).  Which, of course, I take out on them.  They are mad at me because, I am the evil mother that doesn’t want them to overdose on sugar.  Needless to say, the sugar high they are on comes down with a resounding crash, right as hysteria is setting in.  My husband walks in the door from work, mad because he just about ran over little “Harry Potter” from down the street.   And we end up skipping dinner, and just trying to ride out the mayhem until they fall asleep (or pass out).  At which point, I promptly go and throw all the candy away!!!!!  (This leads to “meltdown number 5” but I don’t have to face that until I am trying to get them ready for school in the morning.  At which point, I rummage through the trash, and they each pick out candy to put in their lunch box and then I throw it away.  Hell, let the teachers deal with my kids on drugs.)

So there you have it.  The lovely experience of Halloween.  This is why I will never, never, never, never, ever do Halloween again.  (obviously until next year)

Now is that not just the cutest little face you have ever seen? 

It is 1:00 am and I just got done feeding your little brother.  Then I went around checking on everybody and came upon your little sleeping tushy sticking up in the air.  My heart goes out to you these days.  I have so much to go back and write about with Zeke’s birth and all the other crazy things that have happened over the last month.  But tonight I feel compelled to just sit down and write to you. 

This change has been hardest on you.  You are only two.  Still a baby yourself.  Yet, we look at you and treat you so much older.  Hell, some babies your age are still nursing!  You are such an amazing little person.   I see how hard you are struggling to accept this little blob of a brother that is permanently attached to me.  He is a baby that is only satisfied if he is on me, and usually that means sucking on my boob.  You have lost being the baby in my lap, or being picked up and carried around by me.  And he cries alot!  So far he ain’t that fun for you. 

And yet, you have been nothing but loving to him.  You love to hold him. You run in to say good morning to him.  The worst thing that has come out of you is hitting your big sister.  At least you are picking on somebody bigger than you.   Not the smartest thing to do as a habit, but it works for getting through this tough transition.  Micah understands you are feeling out of sorts, and luckily you are not able to inflict harm.   You are also becoming permanently attached to your passy and blankie.  You reach for that now instead of me. 

I just want you to know that Zeke’s rude entrance into your world has done nothing but make me love you even more.  I appreciate you more than ever.  You are one of the most amazing little girls I have ever known.  In the middle of all this coping you are doing, you decided to finish potty training yourself.  When my Dad was in charge one day, (I had to be away with Zeke at doctor appointments) you decided that all the candy laying around would be a good reward for going to the potty.  My Dad (not knowing any better) let you take a big handful everytime you went.  Now most kids would just take full advantage of a grandparents ignorance and simply eat all the candy they wanted.  But you decided that combining taking advantage of your grandpa with potty training yourself would be the way to go.  That is just one example of how amazing you are. 

As soon as I was pregnant (before the test even confirmed this) you decided that you were done with your crib and nursing.  You have done your best to grow up into a “big girl” as fast as possible.  You constantly entertain us with the grown up things that come out of your little body.  Although, your love of good wine is maybe taking this to an extreme. 

So I want you to know that you are still allowed to be my baby girl.  I will try my hardest to love on you constantly (even with the new growth on my boob).  My favorite part of the day is taking naps with you. And although you probably feel like I love you less now that the new boob growth has arrived; I can assure you that the opposite is true.  I feel like my love for you has exponentially increased.  I see you more clearly than ever before.  I appreciate your little personality a million times more.  You are truly an original.  The one and only ever you.

I love you forever and always

Mom

wow, so much has happened since I last posted, that I don’t know where to start.  I became Jewish in orthodox eyes, got married, had my fourth child, and turned 40!  So much to write about and now so little time to actually write.  But my goal is to get all this down in writing before I forget the details.  So bear with me.  It has been almost a month since I went offline and I feel a lifetime has happened during that time.  The best thing to share is my baby boy, Zechariah Henry Shaffer.  Born September 23 at 10:15 pm.  8 lbs 15 oz and 20 and a half inches long.  Welcome to the world little man (: