Well, to follow up on the season of sickness that has been taking over our family the past two winters……

Micah and Hannah actually developed asthma symptoms this year.   Frightening.  I found myself  immersed in steroids and breathing treatments!  It made me start to question the “health” of our living environment.

I started with their room.   This makes sense as they share a room, and they are the only two suffering from asthma.  My mom came to visit.  This also makes sense.  She is a powerhouse and can move mountains all by herself.  Don’t let anything try to hurt her grandbabies!  She ATTACKED their room.  By the end of the week, she had washed every square inch that could be washed.  Replaced what couldn’t, including bedding and MATTRESSES!  Thanks Mom 🙂

The coughing got better!  Maybe this was it.  Yet, I kind of wondered what was lurking underneath the carpet in our basement.  I can’t say enough, to be careful what you wish for….

Not even a week later, I wake up to find our hot water heater exploded.   (ok maybe exploded is a bit strong, more like poured 50 gallons of water all over our basement).  This felt like a real problem at the time.  I spent the first day finding a good deal on a new water heater, and wet vacuuming the water up.   I didn’t even think to call in experts to help me.  I think the prospect of not having a hot shower two days in a row was so traumatic that I couldn’t think past:  Get hot water, Get hot water, Get hot water.

After 2 days of sopping up water and getting nowhere, I realized that this might actually be a case for good ole USAA.  (and once I had my hot shower I could think straight again)  They jumped right in and had the experts to my house within 24 hrs.

Now here is the good part, (G-d is really good) when they pulled back the carpet what do you think they found?  You got it, MOLD and MILDEW.  Lots of it.  We had to flee the basement and I still got sick from it!   Now it makes a little more sense.  We would get sick and then go sit in the basement.  Then we would get sicker and nobody could seem to get well!

One week later:  I have a completely treated and disinfected basement, with brand new carpet, all paid for by insurance.

The moral of this story is:

If you have G-d AND your Mom in your life you will be taken care of.  What ever Mom can’t accomplish she will delegate to G-d.  Together they are unstoppable.

A tradition we have started in our family over winter break is, to be sick the entire 14 days.  We don’t pack up and go somewhere warm like most families in Chicago.  No, that would just be too much fun.  We come down with every single thing going around, and spend our time either in the Dr.’s office, or watching movies in our basement.  Since this is our second year in a row doing this, I figured it must now be a tradition.  And one that I will do everything in my power to break next year.

Now having said that, we did have a few hours Sunday morning with no vomiting, diarrhea, pneumonia or flu.  And this is what happened:

Richard and Noah went to the East Bank Club in Chicago to have some “male bonding”.  I stayed home with the others.  We were all happily playing in the basement when I heard my cell phone ringing upstairs.

I ran up the stairs to see who it was.

It was Noah.  Hmm? I answer it and no one is there.

Well, maybe they need to ask me something and just aren’t getting any service.

I try to call back.  It rings and goes into voicemail.

Noah instantly calls me back.  I pick up and no one is there.  What in the world?

I call him back.  It rings and goes into voicemail again.  I am starting to think this is a little weird, since Noah is with Richard, and Noah is a man of few phone calls.

Then I receive a text:   ffG.  lli..

I text back:  what is going on?

I am a little behind on my texting lingo, so I have no idea what ffG. lli.. means..

I wait a few minutes…….  No response.  So, of course, my paranoid mom mind starts to go into overdrive.  What is happening?  Isn’t Noah supposed to be with Richard?  Why is he trying to call me?  Oh no, what if he got kidnapped at the club, and ffG is fat f-ing Guy, and lli is his location!!!!!!  Oh my G-d, my baby!!!!  I have to call Richard!!!! What if I can’t reach him??? What am I going to do?  (all of this happens in the time it takes me to call Richard’s cell phone.  I am in full panic mode by the time he picks up)

Richard:  hello?

Me:  Noah has been trying to call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are you guys okay?  Is he with you????!!!!!

Richard:  yes?  and Noah doesn’t even have his phone with him…………..

Me:  What???   ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh.   ZEKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out, Zeke and I have spent 15 minutes phoning and txting back and forth from the basement to the kitchen.  I have been fearing the worst for my 13 year old, 5 foot 10 inch son, while I completely forgot about my 1 year old unattended in the basement.

I run down and find my little guy sitting in his favorite spot in the house:  the fireplace.

He is playing with his favorite toy:  Noah’s cell phone.

We later looked at the history of his 15 minutes of playtime on Noah’s phone and it went like this:

Phoebe

Jacob

Tali

Tali

Phoebe

Me

Me

Me

Phoebe

Me

Tali

Me

Sari

Sari

Me

Me

Phoebe

Phoebe

Phoebe

He is a busy little guy 🙂

A couple of hours later, he vomited all over the basement carpet.  We finished out our last day of vacation with 1 Dr.’s visit.  1 case of pneumonia and 2 cases of stomach flu.  (one of them me)

lovely

In the movie, “”What Dreams May Come”  Robin Williams meets his deceased children in the afterlife.   He doesn’t recognize them at first, because his children have changed their appearance.  It turns out Robin Williams made subtle comments when they were alive, that he never knew they took to heart.  His daughter had taken on the appearance of an Asian woman.  She had heard her father say, he thought Asian women were attractive.  His son was in the form of his best friend and partner,  a man Robin Williams had said he highly respected.    How tragic to find that the most beautiful people you have ever laid eyes on, decided to change their appearance because of something you said!  It made me wonder what I may have said, without thinking, that my children have heard and internalized.

I have joked with Richard, that I think black men are attractive.    But more attractive than the look of my children?  not a chance.  But what do they think?  I have always been careful to focus on their inner beauty and point this out to them .   My mother used to say “pretty is as pretty does”.    Even when people comment on how drop dead gorgeous my children are, I always comment back that they are just as pretty on the inside.

So in case there has ever been a misunderstanding,  let me set the record straight.

I think that my 4 children are the most beautiful of G-d’s creations.  There is nothing I like more than just looking at them.  I never tire of watching them.  And when they turn on the music and start dancing, the beauty is overwhelming. In my wildest imagination I could not have dreamed them up.  I wouldn’t change a single hair on their heads.  ( I used to make sure they were with me when I went to the beauty shop to say, “This is the most beautiful hair, can you give it to me? I want this hair”) Each one is so different, and fabulous.  I catch a glimpse every now and then of my eyes, or Richard’s chin.  That is so thrilling, because it is a reminder that we got to assist G-d with these magnificent creations.  Richard and I have often said, that we are amazed we helped create such beauty.  I have never known 4 people so gorgeous in all of my life.  Breathtaking.

Even with all the bodily fluids I am wiping up with my little ones,  I think they are unbelievable.  It is only a mother, that while cleaning a super duper dirty diaper, says, “what a tush”

I lost my eyesight as a baby, and through a miracle was granted it back.  So many doctors have shaken their heads and said “It defies medicine”.   I grew up wondering what I was supposed to do with this gift.   That miracle changed my life in too many ways to count.  But the ultimate gift of that miracle, was the ability to see my children.  To feast my eyes on beauty beyond imagination.  To know G-d is real and limitless.  And to see with my own eyes, that He allows us to participate in his glory.

So please let my children know that every little piece of them is beautiful.  There is no part of them to change.  G-d made them as close to perfection as I have ever seen.  Let them celebrate their appearance as it is, and not wish for something different.  Because they are my evidence that G-d exists.

Richard and I huddled up this morning before he flew off to Houston, and I faced Channukah and my children alone for the weekend.  We decided that we needed to do what most teams do before a big game………………Pray:)

Seriously,  we did a two man huddle, and:

“Dear G-d, please watch over us and keep us safe from harm.  Help us to do your work and make the world a better place.  And by the way, we are feeling kind of alone down here, can you please show us today that you are still with us?  It would really help.  Amen”

Then we looked at each other and kind of laughed, “Keep your eyes open”  We walked into our day with a little hope.  We asked for a sign from above that we are not as alone as we have been feeling.   I mean, you are supposed to ask before it is going to come your way, right?

Well, I had to get my 4 children up, fed, dressed, lunches made and out the door by 7:00am.  I found myself kind of impatient and stressed.  It is quite a feat to accomplish.  Before I even pulled out of the driveway, my oldest son, Noah, threw his back out!  No kidding, he couldn’t walk and was actually crying from the pain.  I mean, (no offense G-d) but what the hell kind of sign is that?  I realize I can’t send him to school like that, so we drop off my oldest daughter, and she forgot the lunch I spent 10 extra minutes making!

I told myself, “G-d works in mysterious ways child, just keep your eyes open”  So I went home and began calling the doctor.  On my way to the doctor, I talk to my Richard who is in Houston at this point.

Me:  “Well, you see anything yet?”

Richard: “A big black Christian woman drove my taxi from the airport.  She was a real character.  She was cursing and praising all at the same time”

Me:  “Wow”,   (feeling a little jealous of that! What about my sign?  Hello!  I am the one that has been at the doctor’s office every day this week with sick children!  Where is my sign?)

Now here I am at the end of the day reflecting on whether G-d let me know that he’s “got my back”, or if the Devil is just bullying me around, and here is what I believe:

My answer was, “Michaux if you want to know where I am, just take a look at all the wonderful people I have sent to support you.  To give you what you need.”   I got to think about that……

Yes, in this crisis (and all the others lately) I have not had to deal with it alone.  G-d has sent me just the right people to support and help me, at just the right time.  The caliber of people wrapped around me and the timing of their coming is truly evidence that G-d is with me.   Thank you

Richard’s answer was, “Praise”.  That simple.  “You will find me in praise.  Just open up your mouth and let it out.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it can be from anywhere, in front of anyone, but just do it!”

G-d….Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.  With out You holding us up, we would have crumbled for sure by now.

This is Hannah:

my three year-old

Having a three year-old in your house is one of the most delicious and trying things you can do.   They are truly yummy.   Yet, I wonder sometimes how someone so cute, can push you so far?  So what is this all about?  This character building struggle my three year-old and I are in?  …………

One word:  independence

Now you would think that Zeke:  (see cute and cuddly one year-old and hot hubby below)

would be the one with the struggle for independence.  But Zeke’s struggles for independence do not threaten my authority.  He is trying to learn how to walk, feed himself, put himself to sleep, talk etc.  He is not actually trying to overthrow me. (yet)

Now that this is my third, three year-old, I see that these struggles are normal and healthy.  But I am not sure that it has made it much easier to deal with.  To have patience in the face of all 20 little baby teeth blowing hot scream into my face is still somewhat of a challenge.

So here are my thoughts about this:

My Hannah (just like Micah before her, and Noah before her) is really trying to gain some control over her life.  It might seem like she would like to gain control over my life, as well…..  But this would not actually make her feel safe.  She is living in a house with 5 bosses.  All who are bigger and stronger than she.  That would be trying for the best of us.  So what is the answer?

I think that finding ways for her to have independence and choices whenever possible while clearly being in charge is the key.   For example, I listened to my babysitter, Winnie, (a gift from G-d) dealing with Hannah over a new sippy cup.  A great example, because it highlights the conflict for Hannah.  How to be in charge of still being a baby sometimes:)  And every time Winnie ran into a roadblock, she found a way for Hannah to be independent.  It wasn’t a choice whether we washed the cup, but Hannah had the opportunity to wash it herself.  Then when she started to fall apart about the cup being wet (a little ocd three year old issue.  completely normal) Winnie let her dry it off herself.  I listened from the other room as WWIII almost happened 3 or 4 times.  And each time peace was founded on choices.

So it is not a choice to go upstairs for nap, but there are choices about what to carry up, and what books to read, and who gets to go up first on the stairs, etc.

It is not a choice to eat dinner, but there are choices about where to sit, and how many green beans and getting your own water.

It is not a choice to wear clothes, but there are choices about which clothes, and where to put them on, and even how many layers of them to put on.  ( I think our record is 5)

The grown ups are still in charge, (we like to think) which makes Hannah feel safe and secure.  But she is allowed to have as much independence as possible within that safe structure.  This is hard work for us grown ups.  It takes alot of thought and focus and patience.  Did I mention it takes alot of patience.  Let me say one more time:  it takes alot of PATIENCE.

Because our goal (mom, dad, babysitter)  is to stay calm, and not lay down on the floor and kick and scream and have a fit.   Although, I have thought about going out in the garage, shutting the door and trying it.  No, we just stay calm.   Ignore things that can be ignored.  Praise what can be praised.  Calmly and lovingly remove her from situations that are just too overwhelming for her.  Give lots and lots of controlled choices.  Pray.  Count to ten.  Pray.  Bite our tongue.  Pray.   Did I say pray?  Clench teeth.   Pray.  Am I going on too much??

You get the picture.

Then I look at Micah and Noah and smile.  Because I realize that these struggles will be gone in a flash, and before I can blink, she will be a calm, independent member of society again.

Well ,  my baby left for the WHOLE SUMMER!  Noah is on his way to summer camp for 8 weeks.

As you can see he is very sad and worried about leaving.

And he is especially excited about his mom’s need to get a few pictures.   He refused to let me get on the bus to take a picture of him with his friends.  I still can’t figure out why? 🙂

Letting go really sucks.

3 days ago my youngest son, Zeke, turned 8 months old.    I am now sitting in the waiting room at Children’s Memorial Hospital waiting for him to come out of surgery.   It is nothing life-threatening (Thank G-d).   But no parent wants to be doing this on a Tuesday morning.  

24 days ago my oldest son, Noah, celebrated his Bar Mitzvah.

Because of the circumstances of this surgery, Zeke could not have his Bris and Jewish Naming until today.  So in one month, I will be celebrating a Bar Mitzvah and a Bris.  This is quite an experience.  I keep looking from my oldest son to my youngest son, and it is slightly surreal.  It was just yesterday that Noah was little like Zeke.  Little hands, little ears, baby smell that you can’t kiss enough.  Able to hold him completely in my arms.     

And it will be just tomorrow, that Zeke will be big like Noah.  BIG hands, broad shoulders, and love to show how strong he is by picking up his mom!  

I don’t know how many moms get to have this wonderful snapshot in time of “big” and “little”.   But it really broadens your appreciation of how fast time flies, and how you have to savor every day as a blessing.   

As Noah grows up, the memory of him as “little” is very real and special.   Kissing Zeke’s baby cheeks brings it right back.

As Zeke goes through the tough baby moments, the vision of him as “big” is so real and hopeful.  I can see how temporary those baby moments really are.  

Today, when Zeke comes out of surgery, the orthodox Rabbi (a mohel who was holding his hand during the procedure, complete in scrubs and everything) will oversee his “Naming”.  And we will use Noah’s Kiddush cup that was given to him on his Bar Mitzvah. 

What a gift, to have a “big” boy, almost a man, and a “little” boy, just a baby at the same moment in time.   

I have had a sense of all my children long before I was blessed with them.  But the first time I met Noah—-I was 21.  I was an undergraduate at Chapel Hill.  I had not met Richard yet, and I didn’t really understand it at the time.  

I had my first new car.  For those of you who have had a first new car, you know that it is something you never forget.  The feeling of happiness and freedom is hard to describe.  

So one day, I was very happily driving around Chapel Hill. (and Chapel Hill is probably the heart of where I feel most at home in this world).

I had a strange sense of this little blonde headed boy riding shotgun.  Keeping me company.  It wasn’t like I saw anything.  It was more like, I just had a sense of him.  Kind of like you catch something out of the corner of your eye, but nothing is there.  I didn’t really understand it, but I think I knew he was part of my heart.

Now the last thing on my mind at the time was having children.  I was interested in blonde headed boys for sure, —Just about 20 years older.  So I chuckled to myself and thought, “Lord, he is really cute but you need to grow him up a little.”

Well, look at you now.  In a split second, you went from being just a flutter in my heart to a Bar Mitzvah.

I am so blown away by this beautiful journey of “your growing up”.  

I am catching glimpses now of the man you will be and it fills me with joy.

Even though, in my minds eye, you will always be that little towhead–I am so proud of the man you are growing into.

I had an epiphany over Passover this year.  I realized that I am related to the 3 nicest guys I have ever met. ………..

My husband, my Dad, and my son.

Noah, you are truly one of the nicest guys I have ever met.  I am just so honored and thankful that G-d chose me to be your mom.

We had a discussion tonight about your Bar Mitzvah.  You asked why we were asking you to do so much, more than most of your friends.  A longer portion.  Studying Mussaf.  Learning Kabbalat Shabbat.  Writing a Devar Torah.  We talked about the fact that you are capable, and should stretch yourself.    That this is a measuring stick for you, as you begin your journey to becoming a man.   Set the bar high.  Shoot for the moon!   

Well, you got me thinking and I wanted to clarify a few things.  Becoming a Bar Mitzvah is a rite of passage that signifies your growing up and turning into a man.  It is a project of learning and study that you take on.  It is a way to stretch yourself to accomplish something big for your age.  It is a way to test yourself and see what you are made of.  

It is NOT a high pressure performance that must go perfectly, or you will dissapoint us.  I want you to know, that just by doing all the hard work of preparing and studying for this May 2 date:  You have succeeded.    That is actually the point.  Not the performance at the end of all this hard work.  The performance on May 1 and 2 is actually just the icing on the cake.  It is the public celebration of everything you have worked so hard to learn and accomplish up to this point.  I want to make sure that you know this.  That you are not putting extra pressure on yourself about the weekend.  On Friday morning May 1st.  You have already succeeded.  You have studied countless hours, in addition to a demanding curriculum at school.  You have given up much needed sleep, during one of the biggest growth spurts in the history of mankind.  You have stayed steady in the face of this sleep deprivation combined with getting your sisters in the car for school.   You have remained respectful to your mother when she is annoying you about all said studying.   You have absorbed and dealt beautifully with the stress going on in our family as your father makes a significant career change.  

So, on Friday morning, May 1st, you could say, “I don’t want to lead Friday night services”  and no one would even blink an eye.  Because you will have already learned it.  You know that you know it.  The rest of us are there to celebrate that with you.  If on Saturday morning you feel the speech is too much for you to deliver,  you could hand it to your Dad and he would deliver it for you without a thought.  Because you will have already done it!  You did all the hard work.  You put the thought and study into writing it.  You know you can do it.  Whether a synagogue full of people that we barely know, knows that;  does not matter to us.   If you make a mistake reading your Torah portion, it truly does not matter to us  (not to mention the fact that we won’t even know the difference).  We have watched you study and practice.   We have heard you 100 times already.  You have put in all the hours with Rabbi Gifter.  You know that you know it.    This is truly success.    The weekend, and the “show” is just the celebration and coming together of all your hard work.   We are so tickled to be there to celebrate this with you.   I want you to look at this weekend as a wonderful party and not a stressful event.  

And I want you to understand that just by getting through all of this, in your “grace filled” Noah way, you have knocked it out of the park.   I am so incredibly proud of you.  I am blessed beyond belief to have a son that meets the definition of “menchyness” the way you do.  

I know that in my own life when I feel the pressure rising, I am able to deal with it because of 2 things.  

1.  I know within myself that I am strong and capable

2.  I know that when it is truly too much for me to carry by myself,  my parents “have my back”.  

I want you to know how much we love you.  How proud we are of everything you are doing, and how you are doing it.  And no matter what:  “we got your back”

Love

Mom

Micah’s class did a great job presenting their science experiments at the 2nd grade science fair.  They did a great display about glasses, lenses, and magnifying glasses.  

This is Micah with her good friend Shula.  They are wearing hats their class made with all the colors of the rainbow.  Micah also demonstrated her home made dreidel.  You can see the neat pattern it makes when she spins it.  It is actually a square shape;  but looks circular when spinning.