We had two consecutive nights of amazing seders.  Our kids had a great time, the food was really good (if I do say so myself) and the guests were a pleasure.    It was a lot of work.   I will admit I was feeling  just a bit groggy when Zeke started talking at 6:30 am today.    It was worth every minute.

It cannot hold a candle, however, to the exhaustion I feel after Zeke’s play date this morning.  I have to sit down and document this before my brain deletes it to protect my sanity.    I think my house is baby proof.  If you think your house is baby proof, then I suggest you test it out on the pros.  Two 18-month old boys:

Carter arrived with a big smile on his face and “hi” to his buddy Zeke.  He got down out of his mother’s arms and made a bee-line for the basement stairs.  These stairs are hidden by a door.  Most first time guests enter a few closets and the bathroom before they get it right.  Not Carter.  He had an instinct for the steepest drop in my house and knew he had to get there before we could stop him.   So, we began our work out. Carter’s mother, Rachel, and I really have no need for aerobics classes because our exercise is built in.  Some people walk, some people run, we chase.    Chase and drag to be exact.

We chased them to the basement.  Carter did a quick scan and was happy to find his favorite snack…..chalk.  When his mother would not allow this,  he was immediately back up the stairs.  It took him about 17 seconds to find the toilet.   Also hidden behind a series of look alike doors in our hallway.   Every 18-month old boy values this household object as a great toy.  He and Zeke were splashing away before we could make it up the stairs after them.  Then they tried to shut the door on us before we could ruin their fun.  Now you ask why it took us 17 seconds to make it up the stairs?   If we had been faster we would be accused of “hovering”.

After a hand wash, we decided this might be easier if we let them run around outside.  As we chased them out, Carter made a stop at the water cooler.  One of Zeke’s favorite past times.  After about a liter of water and a lot of screaming, we dragged them away.   We chased them outside and thought we had at least 3 minutes to complete a little conversation of our own.  Notta

Without Zeke even showing him, (or maybe at this age they have some crazy telepathic communication) Carter immediately found the hole in the fence that is big enough for a toddler to fit through.  We spent the rest of the time  blocking the hole and they trying to get past us.  I don’t get it.  There is a whole back yard to run around, and they focus on the one way out.   Screaming didn’t work.  Throwing the ball over the fence didn’t work.  They were getting frustrated (and tired) so Carter, in a last ditch effort, got on the baby cycle and tried to ram his way through.  (He had to throw Zeke off of it first, of course).

We dragged them inside to wash up for lunch.  They ate some food.  They threw some food.   Zeke began to fall asleep in his food.  ( He is the younger of the two boys)  Lunch over.

Final 10 minutes of play date:

Chased them around the circle of our first floor from basement stairs to bathroom to water cooler about 6 times.

Changed poopy diapers.  This entailed a lot of chasing, dragging and then basically sitting on any flailing extremities.

Made a train track to occupy them until train track became weapon of choice.

Blocked flying train tracks.

Finally chased, dragged and strapped Carter into car seat to go home for nap.

Whew!

At this point, I agreed to allow Zeke to push all the buttons in Rachel’s car so I could watch Carter, while she went back inside to wrestle her older daughter, Olivia, away from her play date with Hannah.

Oh, I think I forgot to mention, this was the original point of their visit.   And yes, of course we were watching the girls the whole time.  Geez   And you guys wonder what we do all day.

Well, here we are again.  Every year I dread Passover.  I feel it coming with a dark cloud of gloom and perfection pressure building over my head.  Then, I drag myself into the preparation and become an obsessed and driven cleanaholic.   Then the crisis.  I get completely over stimulated, over loaded, overwhelmed and lost in the minutia.  I realize there is no possible way I will accomplish all that I have piled on myself, and I begin to fray.  Well, maybe fray is a nice word for what begins to happen.  It is more like the flopping around a fish does when it is trying to get back into the safety and comfort of the water and desperately running out of air.

So I do what I always do when I am on the ledge.   Oops, I mean edge.  Sorry a little slip there.  It feels like a ledge.  I call my friend Edie.    I think this is my 3rd or 4th year in a row that she has had to give me the Passover speech.   Now she is Christian and does not celebrate Passover.  But I will say that she is the one that helps me find my way back to the meaning of Passover.

Edie: ” Ok we have gone over this before.  Passover is not about  you being the cleanest lady on the block and a total witch to your family.”  (and NO we never use curse words in our conversations.  It is always words like witch and heck)

Edie: “What are your children going to remember about this time?  What do you want them to remember?”

Me:  @%#^%$^%&%&^*((())  (ok maybe I did throw out a few curse words at this point.  I don’t like it when she is right.  and it really relieves pressure)

So I started to let go of my unrealistic expectations and took a couple of deep breaths.  I sat down with my baby and began reading him baby books about Passover.  I started listening to Hannah tell me about how much fun she had going to the Matzah factory.

Then a feeling of peace took root.

I realized that Passover at it’s very core is about LOVE.  It is an amazing love story between God and his people.    What other time in the history of mankind has God shown himself to a PEOPLE?   And it wasn’t a simple miracle that was witnessed by thousands, it was SO MANY!   God really risked himself.  He had to know that before he could even finish showing his glory, we would be working on that golden calf .    He had to know he was rescuing a bunch of doubters.   Yet, he still put all his love for us out there in plain view.   He saved us anyway.

How do you grasp a love like that?  How do you reciprocate a love like that?

God asked Moses who would be the guarantors of this marriage between God and the Jewish People?  We had to promise our children as the guarantors.  So when I look in my children’s faces I realize that what they remember is what matters.  I want them to remember the love.

This is just an updated picture of Zeke.  He loves to read.  Today he put aside his baby board books for some “real” reading.  I think the book is:  “The Old Man and The Boy” by Robert Ruark

As Jews, we say a prayer each morning thanking God for another day.  It is called “modei ani”.  We are thankful that G-d watches over our soul as we sleep and returns it to us each morning.  The last line challenges us to be the best that we can be, each day.

My girlfriend (and walking buddy) is from South Africa.  She keeps close, the words that Nelson Mandela shared when he was released from 27  years in prison.  Her 5 children have heard these words many times:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small does not serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We were born to make namifest the glory of God that is within us.  It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated fromour own fear, our presense automatically liberates others.”

Our children pray “modei ani” each morning in “t’fillah” (prayer) at our Jewish Day School.   The teachers asked the children about the last line of the prayer.  “Why should we be the best that we can be?”

My girlfriend’s son, age 6, replied:  “Nelson Mandela says that we have God inside of us.   We have to try to be as good as the part of God that is inside of each of us.”

I find that 5 and 6 year olds get the concepts that are really important.  You know the whole thing:  Everything I learned, I learned in kindergarten.  Well, it is true.  The fluffy stuff seems to go over their heads, while the real stuff sticks.  They just get it.  And if we could all take a lesson from them, we would stay focused on the real stuff too.  We are all capable of living our lives to the fullest.  We all have that piece of God inside of us just waiting to shine.   There is a difference in the world, that only we can make.

One day I would like to continue my career by helping couples prepare to marry.  I often think about what advice or teaching would need to be imparted to those at the front end of that journey.  I came across a wonderful book by John and Stasi Eldredge, called “Love and War”.

John shares the advice he wishes he would have gotten sometime in the weeks leading up to his own wedding.  I think it is so perfect, that I want to post it here:

“I (John) wish some older man had pulled me aside a few weeks before our wedding, and said,

Now listen, son.  You’re a fine young man; Stasi is a wonderful girl.  I think you  two are made for each other.  I’m very excited about this marriage.  But now listen to me, lad–are you paying attention?  You are also, both of you , deeply broken people.  And all that brokenness is going to start coming to the surface as soon as you say, “I do.”  Don’t let this throw you.  It happens to everyone.  It doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong.  But what would be wrong would be to ignore what surfaces.  God is going to use your marriage to get to issues in your life he wants to address.  You’ve got a way of making life work, and you’re going to discover that Stasi does, too.  That’s all going to collide sooner or later.  You might make it a year or two on young love, and thank God for it.  But don’t ignore this stuff when the fairy tale hits the fan.  Get some help.”

I could have used this advice.  I think it is such a relief to hear this, and know it applies to everyone.

February 2010 Champions

Noah and his team mates ended their season on a high note.   They won the championship, and beat a team they had lost to earlier in the season.  Way to go Lions 🙂

Well, to follow up on the season of sickness that has been taking over our family the past two winters……

Micah and Hannah actually developed asthma symptoms this year.   Frightening.  I found myself  immersed in steroids and breathing treatments!  It made me start to question the “health” of our living environment.

I started with their room.   This makes sense as they share a room, and they are the only two suffering from asthma.  My mom came to visit.  This also makes sense.  She is a powerhouse and can move mountains all by herself.  Don’t let anything try to hurt her grandbabies!  She ATTACKED their room.  By the end of the week, she had washed every square inch that could be washed.  Replaced what couldn’t, including bedding and MATTRESSES!  Thanks Mom 🙂

The coughing got better!  Maybe this was it.  Yet, I kind of wondered what was lurking underneath the carpet in our basement.  I can’t say enough, to be careful what you wish for….

Not even a week later, I wake up to find our hot water heater exploded.   (ok maybe exploded is a bit strong, more like poured 50 gallons of water all over our basement).  This felt like a real problem at the time.  I spent the first day finding a good deal on a new water heater, and wet vacuuming the water up.   I didn’t even think to call in experts to help me.  I think the prospect of not having a hot shower two days in a row was so traumatic that I couldn’t think past:  Get hot water, Get hot water, Get hot water.

After 2 days of sopping up water and getting nowhere, I realized that this might actually be a case for good ole USAA.  (and once I had my hot shower I could think straight again)  They jumped right in and had the experts to my house within 24 hrs.

Now here is the good part, (G-d is really good) when they pulled back the carpet what do you think they found?  You got it, MOLD and MILDEW.  Lots of it.  We had to flee the basement and I still got sick from it!   Now it makes a little more sense.  We would get sick and then go sit in the basement.  Then we would get sicker and nobody could seem to get well!

One week later:  I have a completely treated and disinfected basement, with brand new carpet, all paid for by insurance.

The moral of this story is:

If you have G-d AND your Mom in your life you will be taken care of.  What ever Mom can’t accomplish she will delegate to G-d.  Together they are unstoppable.

A tradition we have started in our family over winter break is, to be sick the entire 14 days.  We don’t pack up and go somewhere warm like most families in Chicago.  No, that would just be too much fun.  We come down with every single thing going around, and spend our time either in the Dr.’s office, or watching movies in our basement.  Since this is our second year in a row doing this, I figured it must now be a tradition.  And one that I will do everything in my power to break next year.

Now having said that, we did have a few hours Sunday morning with no vomiting, diarrhea, pneumonia or flu.  And this is what happened:

Richard and Noah went to the East Bank Club in Chicago to have some “male bonding”.  I stayed home with the others.  We were all happily playing in the basement when I heard my cell phone ringing upstairs.

I ran up the stairs to see who it was.

It was Noah.  Hmm? I answer it and no one is there.

Well, maybe they need to ask me something and just aren’t getting any service.

I try to call back.  It rings and goes into voicemail.

Noah instantly calls me back.  I pick up and no one is there.  What in the world?

I call him back.  It rings and goes into voicemail again.  I am starting to think this is a little weird, since Noah is with Richard, and Noah is a man of few phone calls.

Then I receive a text:   ffG.  lli..

I text back:  what is going on?

I am a little behind on my texting lingo, so I have no idea what ffG. lli.. means..

I wait a few minutes…….  No response.  So, of course, my paranoid mom mind starts to go into overdrive.  What is happening?  Isn’t Noah supposed to be with Richard?  Why is he trying to call me?  Oh no, what if he got kidnapped at the club, and ffG is fat f-ing Guy, and lli is his location!!!!!!  Oh my G-d, my baby!!!!  I have to call Richard!!!! What if I can’t reach him??? What am I going to do?  (all of this happens in the time it takes me to call Richard’s cell phone.  I am in full panic mode by the time he picks up)

Richard:  hello?

Me:  Noah has been trying to call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are you guys okay?  Is he with you????!!!!!

Richard:  yes?  and Noah doesn’t even have his phone with him…………..

Me:  What???   ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh.   ZEKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turns out, Zeke and I have spent 15 minutes phoning and txting back and forth from the basement to the kitchen.  I have been fearing the worst for my 13 year old, 5 foot 10 inch son, while I completely forgot about my 1 year old unattended in the basement.

I run down and find my little guy sitting in his favorite spot in the house:  the fireplace.

He is playing with his favorite toy:  Noah’s cell phone.

We later looked at the history of his 15 minutes of playtime on Noah’s phone and it went like this:

Phoebe

Jacob

Tali

Tali

Phoebe

Me

Me

Me

Phoebe

Me

Tali

Me

Sari

Sari

Me

Me

Phoebe

Phoebe

Phoebe

He is a busy little guy 🙂

A couple of hours later, he vomited all over the basement carpet.  We finished out our last day of vacation with 1 Dr.’s visit.  1 case of pneumonia and 2 cases of stomach flu.  (one of them me)

lovely

In the movie, “”What Dreams May Come”  Robin Williams meets his deceased children in the afterlife.   He doesn’t recognize them at first, because his children have changed their appearance.  It turns out Robin Williams made subtle comments when they were alive, that he never knew they took to heart.  His daughter had taken on the appearance of an Asian woman.  She had heard her father say, he thought Asian women were attractive.  His son was in the form of his best friend and partner,  a man Robin Williams had said he highly respected.    How tragic to find that the most beautiful people you have ever laid eyes on, decided to change their appearance because of something you said!  It made me wonder what I may have said, without thinking, that my children have heard and internalized.

I have joked with Richard, that I think black men are attractive.    But more attractive than the look of my children?  not a chance.  But what do they think?  I have always been careful to focus on their inner beauty and point this out to them .   My mother used to say “pretty is as pretty does”.    Even when people comment on how drop dead gorgeous my children are, I always comment back that they are just as pretty on the inside.

So in case there has ever been a misunderstanding,  let me set the record straight.

I think that my 4 children are the most beautiful of G-d’s creations.  There is nothing I like more than just looking at them.  I never tire of watching them.  And when they turn on the music and start dancing, the beauty is overwhelming. In my wildest imagination I could not have dreamed them up.  I wouldn’t change a single hair on their heads.  ( I used to make sure they were with me when I went to the beauty shop to say, “This is the most beautiful hair, can you give it to me? I want this hair”) Each one is so different, and fabulous.  I catch a glimpse every now and then of my eyes, or Richard’s chin.  That is so thrilling, because it is a reminder that we got to assist G-d with these magnificent creations.  Richard and I have often said, that we are amazed we helped create such beauty.  I have never known 4 people so gorgeous in all of my life.  Breathtaking.

Even with all the bodily fluids I am wiping up with my little ones,  I think they are unbelievable.  It is only a mother, that while cleaning a super duper dirty diaper, says, “what a tush”

I lost my eyesight as a baby, and through a miracle was granted it back.  So many doctors have shaken their heads and said “It defies medicine”.   I grew up wondering what I was supposed to do with this gift.   That miracle changed my life in too many ways to count.  But the ultimate gift of that miracle, was the ability to see my children.  To feast my eyes on beauty beyond imagination.  To know G-d is real and limitless.  And to see with my own eyes, that He allows us to participate in his glory.

So please let my children know that every little piece of them is beautiful.  There is no part of them to change.  G-d made them as close to perfection as I have ever seen.  Let them celebrate their appearance as it is, and not wish for something different.  Because they are my evidence that G-d exists.

Richard and I huddled up this morning before he flew off to Houston, and I faced Channukah and my children alone for the weekend.  We decided that we needed to do what most teams do before a big game………………Pray:)

Seriously,  we did a two man huddle, and:

“Dear G-d, please watch over us and keep us safe from harm.  Help us to do your work and make the world a better place.  And by the way, we are feeling kind of alone down here, can you please show us today that you are still with us?  It would really help.  Amen”

Then we looked at each other and kind of laughed, “Keep your eyes open”  We walked into our day with a little hope.  We asked for a sign from above that we are not as alone as we have been feeling.   I mean, you are supposed to ask before it is going to come your way, right?

Well, I had to get my 4 children up, fed, dressed, lunches made and out the door by 7:00am.  I found myself kind of impatient and stressed.  It is quite a feat to accomplish.  Before I even pulled out of the driveway, my oldest son, Noah, threw his back out!  No kidding, he couldn’t walk and was actually crying from the pain.  I mean, (no offense G-d) but what the hell kind of sign is that?  I realize I can’t send him to school like that, so we drop off my oldest daughter, and she forgot the lunch I spent 10 extra minutes making!

I told myself, “G-d works in mysterious ways child, just keep your eyes open”  So I went home and began calling the doctor.  On my way to the doctor, I talk to my Richard who is in Houston at this point.

Me:  “Well, you see anything yet?”

Richard: “A big black Christian woman drove my taxi from the airport.  She was a real character.  She was cursing and praising all at the same time”

Me:  “Wow”,   (feeling a little jealous of that! What about my sign?  Hello!  I am the one that has been at the doctor’s office every day this week with sick children!  Where is my sign?)

Now here I am at the end of the day reflecting on whether G-d let me know that he’s “got my back”, or if the Devil is just bullying me around, and here is what I believe:

My answer was, “Michaux if you want to know where I am, just take a look at all the wonderful people I have sent to support you.  To give you what you need.”   I got to think about that……

Yes, in this crisis (and all the others lately) I have not had to deal with it alone.  G-d has sent me just the right people to support and help me, at just the right time.  The caliber of people wrapped around me and the timing of their coming is truly evidence that G-d is with me.   Thank you

Richard’s answer was, “Praise”.  That simple.  “You will find me in praise.  Just open up your mouth and let it out.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it can be from anywhere, in front of anyone, but just do it!”

G-d….Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.  With out You holding us up, we would have crumbled for sure by now.