Tomorrow I am leaving.  I am going home.  To the sweet gentleness of the Carolinas.  My planet.  My father and brother-in-law will be waiting for me at the airport, while my husband gets our new house ready.   In a neighborhood just down the street from my long time girlfriend.  My mother on her way.

I have been away for a long time.   I know my family has been supporting me and praying for my safe return all this time.  I can feel their joy as this day finally comes.  I was searching for a way to describe how it feels.  This going home.  I realized I feel like a wounded veteran.

Because It has been a very long time of fighting for me.  I came here with the innocence of a young soldier not knowing the battles ahead.  When it dropped to 40 degrees that first winter I asked someone if it was going to get any colder?  They shook their head and laughed.  Not a ‘ha ha funny’ laugh.  A ‘oh you are f—d’ laugh.

The long, lonely, dark, cold winters with small children here in Chicago was the war.  The worst battles when they were sick and I was alone.   I met many heroes in my time served.  These super heroes took me under their wings and taught me everything they know.  They are the reason I survived.  We formed a bond as strong and permanent as blood relatives.   They will always be my family and my heroes.  I wish they could come with me to my planet.

I, on the other hand, have to go.  This last winter was a battle I almost lost.  I guess the rule in war is, when you lose a body part you get to go home.

There have been many tearful goodbyes and many goodbyes I didn’t get to say.  I wanted to do more to celebrate the friendships and the battles won.  But even that turned into a battle.  Instead of celebrations this weekend, winter blew in early.  The temperatures dropped and I was alone again.  Very sick with very sick children.  My husband unable to fly in to help.

So this going home.  I am just going to get there.  One way or another.  If I have to crawl to the airport and fly the plane myself.

I am minus some body parts and a lot of tears.  I have a big scar up the middle.  I get to take 3 of my 4 children with me.  My oldest off in a country with a different kind of war going on.  I am hoping I didn’t teach him that life is about living in a war zone.  Now I am the one praying for his safe return.

I feel worn down and war torn.  I need a good rest.  I need the warm sunshine.  I need my family together.  I am ready.

All the people I love here are in my heart.   Now It is time to take my heart home.