Taking your kids to the park is something all of us parents do.  We all have our reasons.  They range from “It’s good for them” to “If I don’t get these little monsters out of my house in the next 10 minutes, I am gonna go insane!!”

Historically, I have leaned toward the latter.  I need a break.  I need a break from the wild animals that I am working on training into civilized beings.  I need them to be wild animals outside, instead of on my furniture.  I need them to be wildly loud outside instead of in my ear.  I take them to the park and turn them loose.  Then I find a bench, park my butt, and my eyes glaze over.   Oh I am paying attention, don’t worry.  Ok, well, I look like I am paying attention.  It has been years of perfecting the occasional nod, and “Wow”, “I see you!”, “that’s amazing”, “good job”!  My brain goes into that mode where you pick up red alerts like someone getting ready to fall off a roof, but the rest of it gets tuned out and you get a much needed rest…for a minute.

I would like to say that this is a very noble reason to take your kids to the park.  In fact, I would go as far as to say that more parents should practice this valuable “park meditation while watching your kids” method.  We might see a reduction in yelling, swearing and parental frustration in general.  Happy mommy = happy family.  But in this paranoid helicopter parenting culture, nobody wants to admit to a practice of how to take their kids to the park and not pay attention to them.  Even though there is a small group of rebels that does participate in this practice.  I will not name names ladies.  Your secret is safe with me.

But starting this past summer I found another, just as valuable, reason to go to the park.  To work out.  With my kids!!

I came to this discovery as I was searching for answers to my own training needs.  I needed to cross train for running and injury proof myself for those long runs I am now addicted to.  I have no time to myself.  My kids need to move and play and get fit.  I came across MovNat.com.  I began to research this full body movement in nature way of getting strong.  It made sense.  What if?  What if there was a way to work out WITH your kids?  What if we could play together, bond, and I could knock out that work out all at the same time?  The answer:  The Park.

I never knew I could have so much fun at the park.  I never knew I could be so challenged in my fitness by my very own children.  If you don’t believe me, just try to keep up with your kids at the park.  If you can do the monkey bars a hundred million times in a row and climb on top of the buildings and shimmy up the trees like they do, then stop reading right now and go pat yourself on the back.  You rock.

The first time I played follow the leader with my kids on the playground, they literally shook with joy.  When I did a few face plants and the splits trying to vault over a fence like they were literally floating over, we laughed like we haven’t in a long time.  When I couldn’t keep up with them, it motivated them to do more.  I have never been so impressed with their ability and fitness as when I tried to do what they do.  Wild animals are apparently in pretty good shape.

Parks aren’t just for kids anymore!  Here are some pics from the super fun MovNat workshop I helped collaborate on in October.  Yep, that is a bunch of grown ups playing at the park!!

And we were all super sore after.

Although it does help to be at the park with a kid or two, it is not totally necessary.   You will just find that you get a few weird looks.  Frankly, I get those WITH my kids.  But I am sure it has nothing to do with how goofy I look trying to climb up to the top of the swing set.  Or because I am arguing with my kids over getting my turn on the monkey bars.  I have convinced myself it is just because those other parents are jealous of all the fun I am having.

Seriously, being outside, moving with your kids (or without), having fun, laughing and getting fit can actually all be accomplished at the same time.

Come join us for the next MovNat workshop, December 7th in the Forest Preserve.   Learn how play, lift, pull and even shoulder/carry a tree!!!  That will impress your family.

Visit http://www.emergencewellness.com for details.

And if you can’t, don’t despair.  Just take your kids to the park and let them teach you how to move.

My sweet child, Hannah has a set of lungs on her like nobody’s business. When she puts her mind to it, she can break glass. I always know it is coming too, when I see her close her eyes, ball her little fists up at her side and open her mouth wide. There is a delayed reaction of maybe 5 seconds of silence. Just enough time to run for cover. Otherwise you are gonna have hot scream blowing in your face.

That was how the morning went. Second grade is still sometimes a heart wrenching separation. The day before, the whole class had to lose 3 minutes of recess due to talking. Devastating. Though Hannah was not one of them, she was part of the consequence. That was a lot of tears to process. I had the thought last night, that it might be a tough morning. There is a long bus ride to school that is hard for little ones. Who do I sit with? What if a bigger kid says something mean to me? Then she found out that it was not her day to have the ipod to play on the bus. Then I said I would not be able to drive her, to relieve her from this bus ride.

I saw it coming. The eyes closed, fists balled, mouth open…I braced myself. Yep. Girl has got some lungs!!

The problem is I didn’t see it going. Going away that is. Girl has also got some endurance!

That baby screamed at me the entire morning. Through getting dressed. Getting in the car. Buckling in. Driving to school. All the way until we parked at the bus.

I guess I am writing this because I have come a long way. I have handled meltdowns poorly so many times. There is not enough time to write about all those. So I am gonna write about what was good this time.

I am gonna write about what I have learned, and who I have learned it from that seems to be true.

Two people guided me through this morning. The first is my hero in the field of marriage and family, John Gottman. His book “The Heart of Parenting” talks about how to raise emotionally intelligent children. It also lays out the benefits these children with a high EQ have over other children. Here it is in a nutshell:

l. We have evolved, in part, because emotions are contagious. Negative emotions between parent and child especially so.

When my Hannah starts to belt one out, it makes my own body want to scream. (and ball my fists, lay down on the floor and stomp my feet). So the airlines say it best, “put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put one on your child”.

2. How our parents handled our negative emotions taught us what we know. They are our ‘feelings about feelings’. They are our attitudes about strong negative feelings in ourselves and our children. Many of our parents either dismissed them, swept them under the rug, ignored them, punished them or any other tactic possible to get them to go away. In their defense, refer back to #1.

I have also tried every one of these tactics. And I know better!

3. Parents of emotionally intelligent children view strong negative emotions as opportunities for connection.

What I don’t mean, is that they give in to terrorists demands or allow themselves to be smacked and mistreated. When in the middle of a ‘hot mess’ of screaming and kicking, no one can really connect. But what they do, is hang on to themselves. Put the oxygen mask on and breathe.

I didn’t give in to Hannah this morning. It was not her turn with the Ipod. I was not willing to drive her to school. She had to get on the bus. Period. But I was able to stay compassionate about the real issue. That this is hard for her. I shared my own struggle with going to school at her age. I cried every single solitary day going to school. I shared her brother’s struggle when he was her age. He would brace his arms and legs against the door jam, and I would pry him through it to get him in the car. All this was between her screaming at me, “Your a mean mommy! This is all your fault!” of course. But when we got there and she faced the bus, her tears were dry, and she didn’t have to go to school feeling disconnected from me. She knew I got it. She knew she was “worthy of love and belonging” to quote Brene Brown.

And that brings me to the second person I can thank for guiding me this morning…Nana. Richard’s grandmother. I never ever saw her lose her cool. She was calm and kind and compassionate to every single person she came in contact with. And her word was law. Because she was so respectful of others, she got that back. I think that we can punish and scream at our kids to get them to be respectful and kind, or we can BE respectful and kind to them and show them how it is done.

I am sure that I will mess it up again in the future. Lose my handle on myself. Get angry at this tantrum that is ruining my morning. So I ask forgiveness now. That is the gist of this “Day of Atonement” we are headed into Friday night. We admit to God that we are gonna make a bunch of promises to be better this year, and then we acknowledge that we are gonna for sure mess up. So please forgive us.

And what a loving parent God is, to give us another chance, knowing that we are for sure gonna mess it up. I look at my own kids and think that if they learn from their messes then they aren’t really messes after all. I will always be ready with a hug and another chance. I just have to remember to give that to myself too. We get it right sometimes, and other times we don’t. It is most definitely a work in progress.