We had a discussion tonight about your Bar Mitzvah.  You asked why we were asking you to do so much, more than most of your friends.  A longer portion.  Studying Mussaf.  Learning Kabbalat Shabbat.  Writing a Devar Torah.  We talked about the fact that you are capable, and should stretch yourself.    That this is a measuring stick for you, as you begin your journey to becoming a man.   Set the bar high.  Shoot for the moon!   

Well, you got me thinking and I wanted to clarify a few things.  Becoming a Bar Mitzvah is a rite of passage that signifies your growing up and turning into a man.  It is a project of learning and study that you take on.  It is a way to stretch yourself to accomplish something big for your age.  It is a way to test yourself and see what you are made of.  

It is NOT a high pressure performance that must go perfectly, or you will dissapoint us.  I want you to know, that just by doing all the hard work of preparing and studying for this May 2 date:  You have succeeded.    That is actually the point.  Not the performance at the end of all this hard work.  The performance on May 1 and 2 is actually just the icing on the cake.  It is the public celebration of everything you have worked so hard to learn and accomplish up to this point.  I want to make sure that you know this.  That you are not putting extra pressure on yourself about the weekend.  On Friday morning May 1st.  You have already succeeded.  You have studied countless hours, in addition to a demanding curriculum at school.  You have given up much needed sleep, during one of the biggest growth spurts in the history of mankind.  You have stayed steady in the face of this sleep deprivation combined with getting your sisters in the car for school.   You have remained respectful to your mother when she is annoying you about all said studying.   You have absorbed and dealt beautifully with the stress going on in our family as your father makes a significant career change.  

So, on Friday morning, May 1st, you could say, “I don’t want to lead Friday night services”  and no one would even blink an eye.  Because you will have already learned it.  You know that you know it.  The rest of us are there to celebrate that with you.  If on Saturday morning you feel the speech is too much for you to deliver,  you could hand it to your Dad and he would deliver it for you without a thought.  Because you will have already done it!  You did all the hard work.  You put the thought and study into writing it.  You know you can do it.  Whether a synagogue full of people that we barely know, knows that;  does not matter to us.   If you make a mistake reading your Torah portion, it truly does not matter to us  (not to mention the fact that we won’t even know the difference).  We have watched you study and practice.   We have heard you 100 times already.  You have put in all the hours with Rabbi Gifter.  You know that you know it.    This is truly success.    The weekend, and the “show” is just the celebration and coming together of all your hard work.   We are so tickled to be there to celebrate this with you.   I want you to look at this weekend as a wonderful party and not a stressful event.  

And I want you to understand that just by getting through all of this, in your “grace filled” Noah way, you have knocked it out of the park.   I am so incredibly proud of you.  I am blessed beyond belief to have a son that meets the definition of “menchyness” the way you do.  

I know that in my own life when I feel the pressure rising, I am able to deal with it because of 2 things.  

1.  I know within myself that I am strong and capable

2.  I know that when it is truly too much for me to carry by myself,  my parents “have my back”.  

I want you to know how much we love you.  How proud we are of everything you are doing, and how you are doing it.  And no matter what:  “we got your back”

Love

Mom